OMG!  I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve written on here.  I think the challenge is I rarely pull my computer out and I do not like typing on the phone or the iPad.  Maybe I need to get a keyboard for my iPad….

So, a quick (am I ever quick?) review of 2017….

Let’s start in December 2016…on Christmas Day Lexi didn’t come to bed…she couldn’t muster the strength to go up the stairs.  Christmas was a sad…we said our good-byes and on the 26th we let Lexi go.

Our intention wasn’t to get a dog right away, but it’s hard to have a dog your whole life and not have one.  In February, we happened across a hypoallergenic breed called a Havanese and there happened to be a breeder about 20 minutes away with 12 puppies….we went to see them and came home with Rogue.  It’s hard to believe she has been with our family for almost a year.

OH!  Let’s backup a bit…I remember why I stopped writing.  Stupid stuff was going on and I didn’t want to spread it around, but it was all I could think of to write and so…nothing.

Here is the low-down of the changes in the last year and a half:

  • Zach got a new job (same job, different school)
  • Lexi passed
  • I traveled a lot for work
  • The kids took skate lessons
  • Rogue joined our family
  • Stacy visited a few times
  • I got a promotion
  • We had some great times with some amazing neighbors
  • The kids found Facebook Live
  • We went on a cousins camping trip to Steamboat
  • The kids took swimming lessons
  • Susie moved back
  • Cody bought a house
  • Zach grew a lot of stuff in a small space…including a GIANT pumpkin.
  • The kids and I ran the Color Run
  • The kids and I went to Wisconsin
  • The kids saw their first theater performance – Frozen @ the Buell
  • Lynzie turned five at Disneyland!
  • Isaac joined choir and sang at the Nuggets game
  • Stacy and Joe came for Thanksgiving with their kiddos
  • We got pregnant!
  • I had a miscarriage
  • I had a blood transfusion
  • Isaac got his first ear infection
  • We went on a cruise.

Plans for this year include:

  • Lynzie starts kindergarten
  • Make a baby
  • Buy a new car
  • Travel to nowhere
  • Camp at the Sand Dunes


There you go…I can be fast sometimes. 🙂



The Wedding that Shouldn’t Have Been (at least for me)

I was just looking through my drafts…so funny to see my half finished posts!  I do write more than gets posted I guess.  A challenge for me: write BEFORE I play Candy Crush.  Candy Crush is sucking my life away.  I love the game – all three versions I have on my phone.  I can be productive IF I only get my 5 lives, but when they give me unlimited lives for 2+ hours, I feel I must use that time and hence nothing gets done.  Such a waste of time and the funny thing…when I’m traveling, when I have all this time to kill in a hotel room or on a bus or in an Uber, I don’t play.  I don’t even want to play, no desire.  Explain that.

So what brought me to WordPress today?  I was looking through my Facebook profile on public to ensure my posts have been posting to the privacy level I want.  It’s sooo easy to lose track of who your audience is on Facebook, so I try to do this every couple of months.  Profile photos are always public and so that is mainly ALL my public profile is.  I ran across this photo:10004045_10100427377828923_3431675129484108062_n

Great shot, right?  I look good, Zach looks good, we look happy, right?  For this brief moment we were.

And the memories of when this photo was taken come flooding back.  I’ve never written about it, but I felt like today I should. I haven’t before because, well, I don’t blog much, but also because this was a special day for someone and I didn’t want my negativity to cloud that beautiful day for her.  I doubt she reads my blog, but if she does…please don’t take this personally.  And lastly, my husband is amazing and I don’t like to be negative about him, but this wasn’t his day.  Sometimes a lot of little things just melt into one bad experience.

Let me set the stage.  This was a few years ago.  Earlier this day, we’d sold our first house.  The house we’d lived in for 12 years, the house both our kids had ever call home, was signed over to someone else.  While we were able to take a big check to the bank, there were a lot emotions and we had just three days to move out.  We were taking a break for a to attend this wedding.

I love weddings!  I especially love attending weddings with my husband.  They are like the ultimate date night.  Watch two people madly in love express their love to the world and remember our love – hold hands, whisper sweet things to each other, smile, dance.  This is joy to me.  Even with the kids in tow, this is how I experience weddings.

This wedding was no different.  I was excited to go – had been for months and it was so close to our anniversary.  The wedding was for one of Zach’s former co-workers and a bunch of work people (women) were going.  It was outside and a western/county type wedding.

I wore a cute short (much shorter than I normally wear) dress I know Zach likes  with high boots.  I did my makeup and even wore jewelry.  I wanted Zach to be excited to have me by his side.

Zach looks hot too.  He wore the dress pants I like and looks real sharp.  The kids were dressed nicely too, although I don’t remember the specifics anymore.

We left a bit early as we had to drive across town in rush hour traffic and didn’t want to be late.  We weren’t.  We were plenty early, about 15-20 minutes.  We waited in the parking lot for the rest of the work folk before we began the longish walk to the ceremony site.

It was really cold and windy, slightly rainy.  Zach walked with his employees leaving me to drag the cold children behind us as I tried to keep my skirt from flying up and exposing me to the world.  I became so uncomfortable, so quickly and regretting my decision to dress in the “not-Jenn” dress.

We took our seats and we were all cold.  We were still early and we had blankets in the car, so I asked Zach to go get them.  My request wasn’t received well.  It was a long walk and he wanted to talk to his work people.  I didn’t want to have to worry about my dress the whole walk there and back.  Eventually, someone he works with went with him to the car and all was good.

The ceremony was short and sweet.  Good thing, because the kids weren’t having it.  They were hungry, tired, cold and bored.  A bad combination.

The reception was another longish walk to a barn.  Again, I was the tail, as I watched Zach walk and chit chat with his right hand woman.

The reception was so cutely decorated and had lots of outdoor “county” games to play while we waited for the bride and groom.  Unfortunately, it was cold, so none of us wanted to be outside and my kids wanted food.  We went in and decided to claim our seats so all the work people could see at a table as there didn’t appear to be any assigned seating.

We were at a table.  The work people filled the entire table and everyone else was coming in and getting settled.  There were only 1 and 2 open spots open at the rest of the tables when the wedding organizer came to our table and said we had to move as that was the table for the brides family.  Zach wasn’t there, I can’t remember where he’d gone this time.  I had a lot of stuff (blankets, bag with things for the kids) and a two and four year old who were in melt down mode to move.  I told her okay, I’d work on it and began to make the move.

I couldn’t move without having a place, I couldn’t see a place and didn’t have a scout, so I was kind of waiting it out, waiting for Zach to come back and help me.  I didn’t make it.  I got yelled at again to move.  So we did.  I stood up with my kids and walked to the wall with all my stuff, and set it down.  The kids didn’t understand why we were moving.  Two people came and sat at the table that we’d been at (mother and father I think) and glared at us.  The kids started crying.  I crouched down, trying to soothe them and probably exposing myself to everyone.  We were causing a bit of commotion and were getting stares from everyone.  I finally sat on the ground as Zach came back.

He asked why we were sitting on the ground by the door.  I tried to explain the situation to him and he too pointed to the table we were sitting at and said, “Let’s sit there.”  I told him we weren’t welcomed there.  The rest of the employees had filtered through the crowd and split up and sat at separate tables, but I couldn’t really put my two year old with a bunch of people she didn’t know, could I?

The bride and groom came in…in the door right next to me, so everyone continued to stare.  The “parent’s” who’d taken our table, continued to glare and give me the evil eye.  Zach finally got the organizer’s attention and asked her where she expected us to go.  She pointed to a cocktail table with no chairs, because you know, that is a perfect eating situation for two young children.  At this point, I’d had enough.  I looked at Zach and said, “We aren’t welcome here.  I’m going to sit in the car with the kids.  You can stay and enjoy the wedding.” And I left.

Zach chased me a bit, then let me go.  A few minutes later he came to the car and said we could come in and sit at our original table.  By this time, Lynzie had fallen asleep and I didn’t feel comfortable sitting with the people who’d sat their and glared at me.  Nor did I want to bring anyone down.  I told him he could take Isaac and do what he wanted.

The boys went back to the wedding and I sat in the car and cried and cried.  I cried so hard – for two hours.  I wanted so to post to Facebook and get people to engage with me – tell me they understood my misery – but I resisted and I’m so glad I did

Zach wasn’t the first one to leave the wedding.  I’d say about half the people left before I saw him and Isaac again.  They brought me a plate of food, but it was cold and gross and I was overly hungry and emotional and so it didn’t go over well.  Which led to Zach yelling at me and me yelling at him and turning an already miserable wedding experience into an even worse one.

Good thing we had a long drive (about an hour) to get home, as we didn’t speak most of the way home.  Eventually I explained how I felt left in the dust and how much I always look forward to weddings.  He explained he didn’t have any intentions of treating me that way, but can see how I could have experienced that.  We forgave.  We moved on.

It is still the worst wedding experience that I didn’t really attend.   This photo was taken in the few moments after we arrived before my world slid down into the gutter, but it brings back all these raw emotions every time I see it.  I hope that the bride and groom were oblivious to my experience.  Although I left mid-wedding, so that’s a bit far-fetched, maybe a better hope is that my missing presence and the circumstances around it did not taint their day.  I hope that their day was filled with all the joy that I experienced on my wedding day and that their marriage is long and filled with happiness and love.



A Force

Ever been overwhelmed? Felt the weight of all your worries, fears and doubts bearing down on you? It’s easy to get burried in those moments, but it’s equally easy to be burried in the good moments.
This month I’m celebrating 15 years at my company and received my certificate today…my first visit to our corporate offices. I took photos with a friend (who was also celebrating an anniversary) with our “Be a force for GOOD” wall and as I was looking through the photos this afternoon, I thought, What a powerful statement!!!!

While I do want to “be a force for good,” I also want to be surrounded by others who are forces for good….and when I take a look, I am.

We could start with the obvious…my amazing family, but that’s the easy way out and they get a lot of blog time already.

So let’s start with the less obvious…my neighbors! When we first moved into the neighborhood, everyone wanted to connected. We have a book club that meets monthly and all the kids are always playing, but the true gems are my more immediate neighbors. The ones that moved in later or with us.  

C moved in the week after us. We refer to each other as house twins, as we have the same style and color, but she is light years ahead of us in interior design. Her home looks amazing in just a few short months and ours looks like we just moved in. The odd thing is we’ve only spoken once….in six months! But our sons play together daily and let me tell you, you can tell a lot from a persons children. E (and his older sister H), are polite, respectful, not afraid of adults and not crazy loud. Isaac started walking home with E a few months ago and C always keeps me updated. I feel like we can really count on each other, even if we aren’t best friends. 

A few houses away is S and her daughter L. L is a crazy loud (but in a fun way) beautiful little girl. She is smart, respectful and can speak her mind. She is a perfect strongwilled match for Isaac. A great positive influence. L definitely gets a lot of her positive energy from her mom. S is so bright and energetic. In addition to being fun to be around and L being a good influence for Isaac, S is always willing to let Isaac come over for a few hours.

In December, the house across the street was finally sold. It took a few months but we soon learned they had a young son (Lynzie’s age, but Isaac’s size) and M is one of those people who has a way of encouraging and motivating people to accomplish goals, be productive and be healthy without judgement. A safe zone. 

In another world, I have others who share these same qualities. I work with amazing people! People who support, people who smile, people who laugh. Intelligent people, productive people, strong, energetic people.

I want to learn from these people. I want to grow and be better than I am. I want these people to see me as a force for good as well. A person they want to be around and learn from.


The thing about writing is you have to do it.  You have to MAKE time for it.  Just like anything else that is important – making dinner, working out, spending time with friends and family.  It’s easy to say you are too busy — but am I really?

Lynzie went to the doctor today.  She is in the 35% for height, but a bit smaller on the weight side.  She answered all the doctors questions and the doctor suggested a multivitamin since she eats no veggies and very limited fruit.  I can get onboard with that.  Jury is still out on the doctor…we’ll see.

My sister moved to Alabama last week.  She only had six weeks lead time and when she told me she was moving we had a debate in the house on what states bordered Alabama….no one was 100% correct.  We do not know our southern states, or eastern for that matter.

Today we were going to Skype….but turns out she doesn’t have it on her phone.  I didn’t remember my password and after I logged in I decided I’d change my profile photo and I noticed I had a tag line directing people to Myspace.  WHAT?  Myspace?  Does that even still exist?

So I logged in to Myspace.  Can you believe I could remember that password and I haven’t logged in in years, but I couldn’t remember Skype and I just had to change that a few months ago….does that mean my short-term memory is going?

Myspace is different.  I doubt I’ll hangout there, but I did scroll through all my photos….many of them are also on Facebook, but seeing them in a single stream and scrolling through them is different.  I stopped using Myspace shortly after Isaac was born, so the photos there are pre-kids, while Facebook is overwhelmed with all my children’s photos.

It’s funny how seeing photos of the past can bring such emotions, but hands down, what I feel is happy.  We had good times (still do)!

But it’s also a bit sad….the kids will never meet their Dad’s grandparents….and while they knew my grandparents, they won’t remember them, maybe Mom’s mom, but not Dad’s.  They know my mom, but they will never really know her.  And now with Stacy moved to Alabama, they will know their cousins, but not as well (hopefully better than I knew mine).  It’s a sad reality, but if we wallow in that, we miss out on all the great things around us.

So we spend more time as a family.  We take photos, so that someday I can see again that we were happy (and still are)!


Isaac goes to the doctor

I began this blog as a way to document our lives for the kids.  Then the kids came along and I rarely post.  I used to post almost daily an last year I post 5 times!!!  At least I captured the seriously big things….but so many of the little things get missed.  And my writing suffers as a result.

I took Isaac to the doctor for his well care visit the other day.  Our favorite doctor retired and I sure do miss him!  Isaac has always been between the 1%-3% in almost all categories.  As he has gotten older, it’s been closer to the 1%, but the doctor has never been concerned because he was perfectly on his OWN growth pattern.  This doctor comes in and is giving me an update on where he stands and says, “2% for height, we’ll talk about that.”  We spend a lot of time discussing and she plots him and realizes, surprise, surprise, that he is on his own growth curve, just under the typical one.  Talks about why we should be concerned.

She continues on with the exam talking to Isaac about various things.  Meanwhile, he is being busy walking around the room, climbing on the table, you know, being a boy who has been stuck in a classroom all day.  I felt like she was trying to determine if we needed to medicate him.  She asked repeatedly, “but he is doing okay in school?”  YES!!!!!

I felt like our whole parenting style was being pushed and didn’t fit into her box.  Ugh!

Yes, Isaac goes to bed sometimes at 11.  Yes, that’s because he isn’t settling down, but not settling down means he started getting ready for bed at 9:30, did his nebulizer and started reading and then couldn’t stop reading, because you know he enjoyed it, so we had to remind him (while we are doing other things around the house), to get ready for bed, brush his teeth, etc.  And THEN he is finally ready and jumps in our bed, still with his book and wants to read a bit longer.  We give him 5 minutes and that becomes 20.  It’s a struggle to get him to relinquish the book and then he wants to snuggle.  So a quick snuggle (he is seriously in this 5 minute snuggle stage) and he goes to bed.  The not settling down in all in the reading!!!  Yes, he is tired the next day when I drag him out of bed at 8:15, so the next night I’ll try to get him to bed earlier….but NO, he doesn’t need a drug to help him sleep…he just needs to stop reading!

As we are wrapping up her last question to me is, so exactly how concerned are you about his growth?  We already spent 10 minutes on that….I’m NOT!  He is small.  Lynzie is small.  Zach and I are both not tall.  Isaac is on daily nebs.  We see an asthma doctor 4 times a year who we specifically talk to about the growth.  Due to this, I am not worried at this time.  I’ll let you know when I am.

Ugh….we’ll see how Lynzie’s appointment goes tomorrow.  Might have to find a different doc at the practice to go to.

We moved!

I’m still going to try to go back and post on the 2.5 week long road trip, but we’ve jumped another 4ish months and so, we will start here and now.

We closed.  I don’t think I was as excited as I thought I should be.  It’s taken me the last two months to feel like this is home and be happy in it.  Why?  Because when you spend more than you ever imagined you could on a home and watch it be built from the ground up, you expect it to be perfect, or at least hope it is….but then there is the reality….the fact that people are building your house and they are human and you are not in direct contact with anyone actually doing anything on the house and the fact that contractor cut corners when they can..

And then…..you realize your furniture doesn’t fit the home and that decorating is really not your thing.  So yeah, our neighbors across the street moved in a week after us.  They have the same model that we do.  They painted all night the night they closed and have a perfectly decorated and furnished home.  Mine, all white wall (that I HATE) and no decorations or homey things.  It feels almost sterile.  I’ve bought furniture and window covers….but I really need help.  I have no decorating sense, none what-so-ever!

I do love how much space we have….the toys all go back to the same room (even if it is almost always a disaster).

I love the double doors leading to my master suite.

I love my shower….the rainbows when you shower at just the right time in the morning as the sun shines through the windows, the waterfall shower head, the fact that the whole family can fit in the shower if needed and not even touch each other.  Yeah, it’s pretty cool.

I love my kitchen….it has no organization at the moment, I just kinda threw things in cabinets, but I love the island and how so many people can be in it and it still doesn’t make me feel claustrophobic like the old one did.

I love that I can heat only the upstairs or only the downstair, depending on where we are hanging out.

We need to finish the backyard so the mud and dirty that comes in the house is limited, because I’m kind of over dirt.

Where does the time go?

Almost five months has past since my last post.  The quick ….

The house sold in hours.  We left it on the market for 7 days, but the offer we accepted the second offer we received on the first day.  And on April 13, exactly 9.75 years after we signed to buy the house, we sold it.  And that weekend we moved into an apartment.

We are so thankful for the apartment we got.  It was reasonably priced for what we needed.  First floor, on a greenbelt, two bedrooms with a “retreat” on the master that has served as my office.  It is very functional, but we are so looking forward to more space!!! 37 more day!

And that brings me to….our house will be done at the end of August!!!  We close September 3!  We are all so excited!

To help pass the time, we went on a marathon road trip from July 2 to July 18.

We bought a house…

We decided to build a new home.  It will be far bigger than the home we live in now (3200 sq ft vs 1300).  We signed on the dotted line on 02.26 and on Monday (5 days later) we put our house on the market.

We have hardly been home since Monday because there have been so many showings.  So far we have four offers.  We decided to leave it on the market for the weekend and then we’ll make a decision on Monday.

Unfortunately, this means a double move as the new house won’t be ready until September-ish.  Apartments in this area for short-term are expensive.  And we don’t get the garden and yard stuff Zach likes so much.  But we do get a pool for the summer and A/C…both pluses in our world.

It’s a strange time.  Lots going on in my life, my family’s life and my friends lives…it’s going to be a big year.

On the other side of fear…

Remember, on the other side of fear lies FREEDOM. ~Robin Sharma

In my new role I had the chance to take a class taught by associates within our organization in other countries.  A few weeks later, I met one of those instructors (a Canadian) at our National Sales Meeting.  We had a nice conversation and later linked up on linked in.  Which is where he had posted this quote.

It really resonated with me.  I wrote it down in bright neon sharpie and put it on the wall in front of my desk. And now I look at it a million times a day.

Whenever I feel anxiety it stems from fear.  These are some of my big ones:

  • Paying bills
  • Health concerns
  • Uncomfortable discussions
  • Having kids
  • Losing my job
  • Starting a new job
  • Traveling
  • Buying a house

When I face that situation, I get beyond the fear, whether the results are good or bad, the fear is gone. 

The anxiety is gone.  

I’m free!

5AM at the airport

I’m sitting at the airport at 5am on a Monday, waiting for my flight to Philadelphia. I’m going on my second ever business trip. I’m leaving my kids for the first time ever and my husband for only the second time in your almost 11 years of marriage.

In December I interviewed for two internal positions…I was offered both. I spent a miserable few days trying to decide which job to take. They were opposite sides of the coin…the extremes of my old position. One was local and I’d get to work with my old boss. The other was based out of Philly, but I would continue to work from home, with the exception of a few business trips.

You can probably guess which one I chose. I’m pretty darn excited, but I’m also a bit overworked at the moment. You see, I’m still supporting my old position until the 30th. Not only that, but I’m also training the new person. That in and of itself is a lot, but then I’m trying to learn about my new job, new boss and all the new people I’ll be working with. It’s been a bit crazy, but I know it’ll settle.

I have one more trip at the end of the month. Then we are putting the house on the market and moving on up. 2015 is looking to be an interesting year.