Ugly

A year or so ago we were out and Isaac said really loudly, “Those girls are ugly!”  

I quickly told him to quiet down and looked in the direction he was pointing.  My heart sank.   There were only two girls in that direction, two beautiful black girls.  How was it possible that my son was a racist at three?

Thankfully, my husband was there and before I could open my mouth, he asked, “Why do you think those girls are ugly?”

“They are ugly. They are not talking nice.”

Oh thank God!  It wasn’t their appearance he was critiquing, it was their words and actions.  I listened a bit and they were being really mean to each other.

Recently, we’ve had a case of the “uglies.”  And we’ve referred to them as such.

Isaac been angry often and will ball his fist and yell at us, stomp his feet and throw his toys.   We don’t yell often around the house, so I’ve been trying to figure out where this ugliness has come from.  I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few weeks focusing on how I respond to Isaac.

I’ve realized…

  • far to often, I don’t let Isaac finish his thought before I interrupt him (I usually know where he is going, but how frustrating it must be to never get the chance to state your case.)
  • Isaac is constantly told, don’t do that, settle down, etc, etc.
  • Isaac is going to make mistakes, but he has to feel comfortable enough to make them, it’s the only way he will learn, he can’t be afraid for us to find out.
  • He is told “no” to most of his “plans” or “deals.”

So, I’m trying to work on looking at Isaac and waiting for him to complete his thoughts.  Trying to be understanding and forgiving – looking him in the eye and apologizing when needed and accepting those when he gives them in the same manner instead of dwelling on it.  Poor kid is four and should very well be four.  

He looked at me the other day and said, “I know Mommy.  I’m working on it.  I’m trying to be an adult.”  My heart broke.  Yes, I want him to be respectful and caring and loving, a good friend and helper, but I don’t want him to think he can’t be a kid.  He is a kid and he should be able to act like one.   I’m the one that probably needs to watch how I act and what I say.  He is obviously getting the uglies from somewhere and it just might be me.

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National Grilled Cheese Day?

My cousin posted about an Ultimate Grilled Cheese she made herself for lunch today and we were then informed by her brother that it was National Grilled Cheese Day, who knew?  In honor of this great day, I’ll tell you about how I make a grilled cheese sandwich.

I grew up making traditional grilled cheese.  Butter a piece of bread, put in skillet, place slice of cheese (always American at my house) and top with another piece of buttered bread.  Once toasty and melty, flip.  We occasionally opened then up when they were done and added in a bread and butter pickle or two and some miracle whip.

Then I got married and saw the movie V for Vendetta   Yes, that is right, I learned how to make an amazing grilled cheese from a movie that didn’t even make a grilled cheese sandwich.  There is a scene were they make breakfast by melting real butter in a pan, add a piece of bread with a hole and add an egg.  That’s didn’t sound too great, but the butter drenched bread did.

I started melting about 1/2 tbs butter in a skillet, adding my bread and my cheese.  Once it got melty, I’d remove from the pan and add another 1/2 TBS butter and the other slice and top with the melty piece, cheese side down.  These are amazing!  In fact, if we are having grilled cheese, I’m the one that has to make it.

Then last year, I we went to a restaurant and I had a grilled cheese that was amazing…and so when I was pregnant and couldn’t get many carbs, I decided to recreate that sandwich.

Start with the 1/2 TBS butter melted in the pan (medium low), add some grated parmesan cheese then top with one slice of bread.  Add a slice of cheddar and some feta, bacon and some apple and some sort of white cheese (I’ve used Muenster and Gouda), top with another slice of bread.  When it is time to turn it over, remove it from the pan and add 1/2 TBS butter and some more parm, then place the sandwich back with the untoasted side down.  Allow everything to melt together and get ooey, gooey, you may need to flip it a few times to keep from burning.  Mmm…mmm..mmmm, so yummy!  Sometimes I’ll add a little spice (garlic or something) to the parm and butter, but you don’t really need it.

Now, when we don’t have apples, or bacon or white cheese, I still add the parm on the outside, it’s just so tasty.

Babywearing

I don’t remember where I learned about babywearing or why I made the decision to wear Isaac. Maybe it was all the baby bjorn’s I used to see. I do remember researching and deciding upon a Moby wrap. This was probably due to the fact that it was cheaper than any other option.

I loved the Moby (a stretchy wrap) when Isaac was little, but I always struggled with wearing him for longer periods of time as he got a little heavier. It seemed to stretch out and become uncomfortable.

We did purchase an old Bjorn from Craigslist, but I honestly can only remember using it one time, only at the house and when I was done, my back hurt so bad. I knew I’d never go back. I began researching and eventually ended up purchasing an ERGObaby carrier. I was so scared I wasn’t going to like it. Back then there wasn’t a place I could go try it on and see if would work and all the reviews were great.

I ended up loving the ERGO. I specifically bought it for Isaac’s first airplane trip (all the way across the country to Boston). It was wonderful!!! Easy, compact, comfortable and Isaac loved it. We used the ERGO all the time – in fact it was always in the car and was even used by me while I was pregnant with Lynzie and Isaac was three and a half.

BUT….

I follow a blog of a friend from high school who I played cello with. She became pregnant after Isaac was born and when he soon was born she wrapped him using woven wraps. Not only were they beautiful, she would wrap him on her back in positions where he was still part of the action. I’d rarely worn Isaac on my back because he was so low it felt like he wasn’t there.

I determined that with two having a high back carry might be a necessity. I started reading and watching YouTube. By the time we were pregnant, I’d fully committed. And midway through my pregnancy I bought my first wrap – a Didymos Indio Terra – linen blend size six.

I couldn’t wait to get my package – I was so excited! When n it arrived I was slightly disappointed. I tried to brush it off. I’d thought the Moby was a lot of material….this was n never ending. At six or seven months pregnant, I attempted my first wrap with an uncooperative three year old. It was a mess! I was slightly depressed about it.

You’d think that maybe I’d give up, send the wrap back and stick with what I already loved. I’m a little too stubborn for that. Instead I bought a second wrap – another Didymos, but this time used, much shorter and 100% cotton. When this one arrived, I again used a very unwilling subject and was nine months pregnant.

And then Lynzie was born. I was determined to get the wrapping thing down. It wasn’t easy and there were times I wondered what I was doing, but I made it, at least a little bit. I made my husband take lots of photos every time at every angle so I could see where to improve.

And then I made Zach wrap – okay, truth be told, he held his hands to the side and I wrapped Lynzie on him. And then he asked me to do it again…and again…and then I told him he needed to learn how to do it himself. He did, only one way, but it was his preferred way from when I was helping him. In fact I think he might be better at that version than I am now.

Originally, we thought Zach would use the ERGO and I would wrap. But we used the ERGO once with Lynzie. I suspect it might get some more use this summer, I do miss having a pocket and hoops to hook things on.

I’ve even wrapped Isaac up once, when we had to go to the store and he had been sick. He only agreed to go if I carried him…he might not be that heavy at 30 pounds, but I still didn’t want to hand carry him. He loved the wrap. He choose to put his arms in and cuddle up. After thirty minutes, he was in a far better mood than when we arrived. Amazing what some snuggles can do.

I expected to love the back carries, and I do. I love being able to see Lynzie while she is back there, feel when she is asleep and she loves to be able to see. I also feel so much safer when I’m cooking. I didn’t expect to love front carries as much. Wrapping is so different from the ERGO. It’s almost like being pregnant all over again, Zach likes it because it’s snuggly and cuddly. Adjustments are easy for nursing, but the best part is the support without a belt going across my hip bones. It is so much easier and comfortable to sit with the wrap on (and I never really noticed it being uncomfortable with the ERGO).

I’m thankful I got two wraps…the size six is neutral colors and just barely long enough for Zach. He doesn’t like to wear the girly pink wrap. 🙂 I love both the wraps for different reasons, but I’d really like a size five. The six is sometimes to long for me…and I’m not a huge pink fan. I’d really like this wrap and to try some other materials…silk, hemp, etc, but Zach thinks I’m crazy. So until I can talk him into another, it’ll just have to stay on my wish list.

**I might update with photos soon, but the baby is crying and wants to eat.**