I have a love-hate relationship with paying the bills.

I pay the bills once a month.

I love to see it all laid out in front of me…what we have coming in, what we have going out, etc, etc.  But for some reason, even when I know we have all the money, I panic about sitting down to pay the bills.  I don’t know where this stress comes from.  Maybe its from the early months of being married, when bills were coming for all different directions and were due at all different times and I was constantly tiring to make sure we had enough money to pay the bill that came in that day.  I’m sure that has something to do with it.

The stress of bill paying is compounded when I have an 11 month old crying and getting into everything in my office while I’m trying to make sure I do everything right.  So, I changed his diaper and put him in his crib….he stopped crying immediately and went to sleep.  I guess he was tired.  Now there is peace and quiet in my house.  It’s dark and the Christmas lights are twinkling.  I feel a little guilty sitting here typing, not working on Christmas presents, not cleaning the house, not even working on dinner.  I wonder, how long should I let him sleep?  Is it going to cause me a headache tonight when I want to sleep?  For now, I’ll enjoy it for a few minutes longer.