5AM at the airport

I’m sitting at the airport at 5am on a Monday, waiting for my flight to Philadelphia. I’m going on my second ever business trip. I’m leaving my kids for the first time ever and my husband for only the second time in your almost 11 years of marriage.

In December I interviewed for two internal positions…I was offered both. I spent a miserable few days trying to decide which job to take. They were opposite sides of the coin…the extremes of my old position. One was local and I’d get to work with my old boss. The other was based out of Philly, but I would continue to work from home, with the exception of a few business trips.

You can probably guess which one I chose. I’m pretty darn excited, but I’m also a bit overworked at the moment. You see, I’m still supporting my old position until the 30th. Not only that, but I’m also training the new person. That in and of itself is a lot, but then I’m trying to learn about my new job, new boss and all the new people I’ll be working with. It’s been a bit crazy, but I know it’ll settle.

I have one more trip at the end of the month. Then we are putting the house on the market and moving on up. 2015 is looking to be an interesting year.

Apprehensive

Oh my! I knew I hadn’t written in a while, but I didn’t realize it had been 15 days! Crazy.

I guess not a lot has been going on or maybe a lot has and I’ve just been too busy. 🙂 Zach has two online classes and has had tons of homework, so I’m getting kicked off the computer more. And really, what can I say…at least he work on something productive.

I’m hoping to update my Project 365 today…Zach has to work late, so I have a bit of time to kill.

I just received a phone call from my principal from last year. It was an accident, but it was good to talk to her. She said she misses me, but who wouldn’t? 🙂 I know a lot of the people I worked with last year can’t stand her, but you know, we all have our problems and things we do well and things we do poorly. I have to say, running a school, all employees and students, is not easy and she always has a smile on her face and that means something.

But really, none of this is what brought me to WordPress today… 🙂

Apprehensive….that’s the best word I can find to describe how I’ve felt about a lot of things lately.

I want to have kids and be a mother, but recently the idea seems to scare me. The name change. Having mom and dad be grandma and grandpa. Having someone else to worry about. So much can happen….miscarriages, still borns, infants dying, children being killed, teenagers injuring themselves. Maybe I don’t want to get pregnant. Maybe I don’t want to have kids. It seems they can only make life more stressful or more loved, depending on your thinking. I haven’t talked to Zach about this, I’m trying to remain calm. But inside I’m freaking out.

I think it’s all stemming form the fact that my good friend is about to have her baby. The little one is due on St. Patty’s Day and she is the closest person I’ve been to, who has been pregnant. And this is her first baby and I think part of me puts myself in her shoes and that’s when I freak out. I mean it’s still something I want, but not, all at the same time. How is that possible?

I contacted Stacy the other day. I wasn’t going to. I felt it was time she put forth some effort. I seem to always be the one to salvage and repair things. Does that mean I’m the only one who cares? I don’t know. It took her two days to respond, but she did and agrees we should talk. So, we are having lunch/margarita’s on Saturday. I’m a bit nervous about this. How is this sort of meeting suppose to go down? I don’t want it to be one sided. I don’t want to just get mad at her. I want her to understand where I’m coming from. I want to hear her side of everything. I want things better, but does she? What if she won’t talk (High possibility from what I know about her)? What if she lets me talk, but doesn’t really listen (usually happens)? What if we just blow up at each other and nothing is resolved? This “meeting” is going to happen, so all I can ask is for your prayers that all goes well and we can come to a mutual resolution.

Nashville. Right, what does this have to do with apprehension? Well, let me explain a bit. One of my big customers is being passed over to a new group in our company this year. Traditionally, the rep and my VP go to this customers be meeting every year. I went one year, but that was because it was here. I seem to be the best at the meeting, because I work closest and know everything about the customer so can answer there questions, but I didn’t work for the company last year, I was teaching, so I didn’t go. Well, this year, it has recently transitioned, since the new group didn’t have anyone to fill my shoes at first, I’ve stayed on until June and am now slowly passing things off to the person who will handle my roles. Because this is such a recent transition and I really know the most about the customer, they want me to go to the big meeting in Nashville in May. I know, people travel for business all the time, but it’s freaking me out.

First, I’ve only been away from Zach for one night since we were married almost four years ago. I know it’s not good to be so dependent on someone, but I don’t know if I want that to change. I like sleeping next to him. I’ve toyed with the idea of him joining me out there at some point, but the fact of the matter is, I will be busy most of the time.

Second….the meeting is Friday and Saturday….setup has to be done on Thursday by 2….soonest I could get in is 2:30, so I have to fly in on Wednesday and leave Sunday, which means more time away from home. If I can get Zach out and talk them into letting me extend my flight to a later date, I might stay and be a tourist for a few days, although I know no one in Nashville or TN for that matter and I’ve never been to the south, so I’d have completely no clue what to do.

Third….I don’t fly well. It makes me nervous and to fly by myself…..crap. I don’t know if I’ve flown since we got married. And then I’ll have to catch a shuttle or taxi to the hotel and I’ve never in my life done that and how do get back to the airport and what if I get lost and how much money do I have to take, how do I take my laptop through security, what do I do after I’m “off” and I’m only at the hotel and I’m by myself? If you know me at all, you’ll realize these seem like stupid questions. I’m independent, resourceful…I’ve got my act together, or at least that’s what the world thinks. As you can see, I’m scared to death and I’ve got two more months to stress about it. Great!

See, I’ve had a lot on my mind the past few weeks, just haven’t taken the time to write about it.

Great Misery

I’ve been irritable lately and very snappy.  I was beyond annoyed all day yesterday, but I knew this, so I was avoiding people.  My plan was to come home and go to bed, not to sleep, just to watch TV and do Sudoku or something.  But we had to figure out dinner first…..

 Remember a few days ago I was suppose to be putting together a menu for the week and going to the store so I can lose some of this darn weight?  Well, yep, I didn’t work on it that day, but completed it on Monday.  Unfortunately I didn’t get to go to the store that night because we went downtown to see the play Pride and Prejudice.

side-note:Pride and Prejudice was great.  Zach saw the flyer at school when he got his student ID and it said with our ID we’d get $10 tickets.  Amazing.  We’ve spent so much time at the DCPA lately and everything has been so cheap (except the parking).  Anyway, I ran into Pride and Prejudice movie (2005) at the beginning of the summer.  I’d never been interested at all in the book or movies, but I was sick and it was on TV and was the only movie that had just started.  I fell in love.  I was so intrigued by the characters.  A month or so later I picked up the book on CD at the library and fell even more in love.  I couldn’t put it down.  When I was home I was reading the book (I’d had an old version on my shelf for years), in the car and at work I was listening to it.  I couldn’t stop talking about it, so when Zach say that is was showing, he said he wanted to take me.  WHAT!!!  I know, my husband wants to go to a play and more than that, Pride and Prejudice???  I told him several times I’d go with my sister or someone else, especially with the end of the semester and all, but he was insistent.  So, on Monday we went.  It was my first professional play and the stage was amazing and the lighting and sound and everything was great.  Zach laughed, I laughed, it was so much fun.  I did have to help explain the story to Zach because it moves so fast and is so involved, but he enjoyed it.  🙂  And I so loved it.  🙂  I suppose I should go read some other Jane Austen stuff.  🙂

 Anyway, back to the diet-food issue.  So we went to GoodTimes–Not diet food–and what did I get?  A cheeseburger with mayo only and a side of BBQ sauce.  Not so bad, right?  But then I got a whole order of chicken dunkers, I ate half Zach’s fries and drank half his Pepsi and I still wanted custard….but I did say no to that.  YAY!  🙂 

Tonight, I’m shopping on the way home.  Then I’m only getting the stuff on the list, except for Friday night (Cody’s birthday dinner), and Saturday night (Brian’s Christmas party).  Then I’ll have to create a new menu for next week, but then we are sticking to that until Friday (Zach’s Christmas party).  Holidays are the worst for food.  Ahhh….

After dinner I went home put my “sleeping clothes” on and watched TV.  I’m better mood wise today, but an email my husband sent me first thing this morning almost put me over the edge.  It wasn’t from him, but to him from a co-worker.  I’ve since calmed down and won’t go into the specifics.   And then, I get a voicemail on my home phone from one of my new customers.  Whose the wise-a$$ that gave them my home phone number?  Especially when I’m working in the office today???  Oooooo…..just made me so mad.  I told my boss about it and it pissed her off too and that made me feel better. 

Oh…ps….I changed my header to a Winter theme….what do you think?

Long Day

I worked long today. I normally get off at 4 and I didn’t walk out of the building until 6:30. It’ll work it’s self out, because tomorrow is the day I go to the high school and visit help out, so I lose hours. It wasn’t the typical rushing to get work done, long, it was I just wanted to get something finished up long. I hate getting into a rhythm and then quiting just to have to pick it up again later, so today I just stayed. It was almost calming, relaxing being in the office all alone. As much as I like working at home, I love the space at the office. If it was closer, say 10 minutes, I’d be there every day. I might even go on weekends to do my school work.

Six years ago (before I went and taught) I worked for this same company. We had an office downtown that the company had been in for years and years and years, it was the same office my mom had worked in when I was a little girl. It was too big for the people we had and outdated — so we moved. At building number 1 the walls were white, the carpet was blue, everything was bright. I remember when my boss took us to the new building to show us around and find out what we thought I was horrified. The walls were a tannish color and the carpet was a brown. When I stated that everything was “too dark” and that I didn’t want to leave the old building, my boss harrassed me about not adapting to change well and explained she picked the colors she did because they are suppose to be calming. Haha. That’s not what I thought. Now five year after being in the new building, I do find it soothing. The colors are warm and relaxing, not the high tension white hospital walls we had before. Inviting.

I’ve also learned to adapt to change better, for those who are wondering. In fact, last year, when I was teaching, I’d venture to say I was one of the more adaptable teachers at our school. I just kinda go with the flow and realize not everything is going to be my way and it’s not worth the effort to fight every inch of the way on every issue. You’d be surprised how many teachers don’t really get this concept….especially English teachers.

This morning I had a dentist appointment at 10AM. It was going to be perfect. I worked from home this morning, drove the five minutes to the dentist, that would take about an hour and I’d be driving to work just in time to grab lunch. But nope, I get to the dentist office and they don’t have me scheduled. They wrote it on my card a week ago, but it is nowhere in there system. This is only my second appointment as we are new patients at this dentist office, so it’s not really helping their image. I’m pretty pissed, they give me tons of options and I decided to go tomorrow morning. So, back out of the dentist at 10:10. Hungry. Need food, but no one sells lunch at 10AM! I don’t want breakfast. I’ve gotten myself all psyched up for lunch, not to mention I’m not much of a breakfast type of gal. So I head to work. It’s a bit of a drive and I figure I’ll get around there at 10:30, the time McDs sells lunch. Pull up to the McDs that is right on the way, I’m 4 minutes early…..nope they won’t be selling lunch for 15 minutes. Ridiculous. So I go to the next one that is a block past work. I get there 2 minutes after 10:30.

“Are you selling lunch?”

“Nope, not for another 5 or 6 minutes.”

“Can I order it now and wait?”

“I don’t know. Let me ask. [Long Pause, as a person pulls in behind me] Yes, you sure can.”

Yay….I get my chicken nuggets and Mr. Pibb. The lady at the window was so nice and so was the guy giving me my food. It perked me up a bit after fuming about the dentist for 20 minutes.

Oh, I forgot to mention….my cell phone was completely dead, so I went to charge it. The charger was stuck under the drivers seat, so I gave it a yank. It came out, but the part you plug into the phone was just two wires. 😦 So now, I need a new car charger. Then I come home, and for once remember to bring it in to charge it and go to plug it it just to find two wires!!!! Guinness must have eaten the end off again. He seems to like electronics. He’s chewed through oh, about four cell phone chargers now and my vacuume cleaner cord. He is so sweet and lovable, but I swear I could strangle him from time to time. Now I have no way to charge my cell phone and have to go get two new chargers! Blah.

How the World Turns

I’ve been blessed to have a second mom in my life for years. I call her that because she’s known me for far too long and she’s been there for support of the last few years. You see, when I was five or six my mom started working for this company, Martina worked there at the time. Mom and Martina worked together for years and I even had the opportunity to work with Martina when I was 15. Mom was laid off when I was 16, but I went back to the company when I was 20 and guess what? Martina still worked that and essentially, we were the only two people who did our jobs, so there our tight bond began.

Martina is one of the best people I’ve ever met. She is a strong Catholic and believes God is in charge of everything in a way I’ve never seen. Let me give you an example of what type of person she is.  She has worked for this company for the last 25 years, just celebrated the big day in September, she comes in early every day, she leaves late if needed.  She always puts the needs of the company and others before herself.  I remember once she told me that she always assumes others are better than her….it’s humbleness.  Anyway, on Thursday she was on a week long vacation to prepare for the wedding of her youngest son.  She was asked to fly to another city to attend a emergency meeting.  She asked to conference in instead of flying out of state, they agreed.  Over the course of the day she learned that due to the reorganization within the company she was being laid off.  I was pained for her, and wanted to know how she was doing.

Today was her first day back from vacation.  She showed up early.  Smiled and laughed with everyone.  Nagged people for not letting her know they would be out of the office.  I heard her say many times throughout the day.  This is a stand up company, I want the best for them, I will work for there good until the end.  She took a three hour “lunch,” but really she went with a rep out to a customer location and answered a bunch of questions.  She scarificed her lunch to do company business.  She cares more about how others are dealing with this than herself.  I’m so blessed to know and have worked so closely with such a wonderful lady!

As I think of them I’m going to try to update this list of “advice” from Martina:

  • Don’t ever talk bad about your spouse to anyone.  That is not for the world to know.
  • Okay, so I can only think of one right now, maybe I’m sleepy, or maybe I’ve grown and learned through her actions, not so much her words.