Panic

Okay, so I want a teaching position, but I wasn’t overly hopeful that I’d even get an interview.

Well, today I got a call to setup an interview.  It’s to teach technology at a middle/high school.  I’ve only applied to two tech jobs, as there aren’t that many out there.  And now I’m freaking out.  What do I wear, how do I make myself look presentable?  I’m so used to just being at home.  My hair hasn’t been cut in over six months.  Most of my “work” clothes are from before I was pregnant and don’t really fit (I don’t think).  I guess I’m going to be trying on clothes this weekend.

But my biggest concern is leaving Isaac.  I have so much anxiety about leaving him, even for this short period of time.  It’s not that I worry about him, it’s more like I just don’t want to be away from him.  I don’t want to miss anything.  I’m having a similar challenge with going on a girls hiking trip this weekend for the day.  Having Isaac at home with me has been wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I’m pretty darn attached to that kid.

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Maybe

I’m happy today.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s…..

…all the sleep I got last night.
…I didn’t get up until 11:47 this morning!
…the lazy day of shopping and putting off homework.
…that I actually got to talk to my husband.
…that my semester is just about over and I have all next week with no school.
…all the fun stuff coming up this week.just spring.

Last night we went to Cici’s with my mom….I was starving and what cheaper place to get all the food I want.  I was in my “work from home” clothes, which yesterday consisted of purple sweatish pants and one of Zach’s XL long sleeved Red shirts.  I was a mess.  I hadn’t brushed my hair since before I took a shower the day before and I had no make-up on.  And of course, what happens?  We run into Rene and his family.  I work with Rene, so we normally see each other in the office, when I look normal.  It was a bit embarrassing, but Mom and Zach assured me I didn’t look quite as bad as I felt I looked.  I wish I had a picture for you all to decide.  The original plan was to eat and then to get Becoming Jane Austen and watch it, but I got to talking and three hours later we were tired and decided we’d do the movie another night.  I think I just get lonely sometimes and need people to talk to.

Today Zach and I were suppose to work on homework all day, but….instead we went shopping.  I got three new dress….one cute spring-summerish dress, one summer businessy dress and what I refer to as a “sluty” dress.  But Zach assures me that it’s okay to have the occasionally slutty dress.  We also got some very cute shoes to go with the first two dresses.  Zach also got some much needed shirts and shoes.   We had lunch and were just plain slow.  I think we didn’t want to do homework.  Finally Zach just wanted to go home because he kept running into people he knew everywhere we went.

Homework was done tonight.  We are almost done, but I’m putting off my reflection to tomorrow.  I want to think about it a bit and Zach is taking a break from reading to hang with me and maybe eat dinner at 11PM!  I guess our whole day was a bit messed up.

Tomorrow we need to finish painting the hallway in the morning and the afternoon is suppose to be used for getting are garden in order.

Long Day

I worked long today. I normally get off at 4 and I didn’t walk out of the building until 6:30. It’ll work it’s self out, because tomorrow is the day I go to the high school and visit help out, so I lose hours. It wasn’t the typical rushing to get work done, long, it was I just wanted to get something finished up long. I hate getting into a rhythm and then quiting just to have to pick it up again later, so today I just stayed. It was almost calming, relaxing being in the office all alone. As much as I like working at home, I love the space at the office. If it was closer, say 10 minutes, I’d be there every day. I might even go on weekends to do my school work.

Six years ago (before I went and taught) I worked for this same company. We had an office downtown that the company had been in for years and years and years, it was the same office my mom had worked in when I was a little girl. It was too big for the people we had and outdated — so we moved. At building number 1 the walls were white, the carpet was blue, everything was bright. I remember when my boss took us to the new building to show us around and find out what we thought I was horrified. The walls were a tannish color and the carpet was a brown. When I stated that everything was “too dark” and that I didn’t want to leave the old building, my boss harrassed me about not adapting to change well and explained she picked the colors she did because they are suppose to be calming. Haha. That’s not what I thought. Now five year after being in the new building, I do find it soothing. The colors are warm and relaxing, not the high tension white hospital walls we had before. Inviting.

I’ve also learned to adapt to change better, for those who are wondering. In fact, last year, when I was teaching, I’d venture to say I was one of the more adaptable teachers at our school. I just kinda go with the flow and realize not everything is going to be my way and it’s not worth the effort to fight every inch of the way on every issue. You’d be surprised how many teachers don’t really get this concept….especially English teachers.

This morning I had a dentist appointment at 10AM. It was going to be perfect. I worked from home this morning, drove the five minutes to the dentist, that would take about an hour and I’d be driving to work just in time to grab lunch. But nope, I get to the dentist office and they don’t have me scheduled. They wrote it on my card a week ago, but it is nowhere in there system. This is only my second appointment as we are new patients at this dentist office, so it’s not really helping their image. I’m pretty pissed, they give me tons of options and I decided to go tomorrow morning. So, back out of the dentist at 10:10. Hungry. Need food, but no one sells lunch at 10AM! I don’t want breakfast. I’ve gotten myself all psyched up for lunch, not to mention I’m not much of a breakfast type of gal. So I head to work. It’s a bit of a drive and I figure I’ll get around there at 10:30, the time McDs sells lunch. Pull up to the McDs that is right on the way, I’m 4 minutes early…..nope they won’t be selling lunch for 15 minutes. Ridiculous. So I go to the next one that is a block past work. I get there 2 minutes after 10:30.

“Are you selling lunch?”

“Nope, not for another 5 or 6 minutes.”

“Can I order it now and wait?”

“I don’t know. Let me ask. [Long Pause, as a person pulls in behind me] Yes, you sure can.”

Yay….I get my chicken nuggets and Mr. Pibb. The lady at the window was so nice and so was the guy giving me my food. It perked me up a bit after fuming about the dentist for 20 minutes.

Oh, I forgot to mention….my cell phone was completely dead, so I went to charge it. The charger was stuck under the drivers seat, so I gave it a yank. It came out, but the part you plug into the phone was just two wires. 😦 So now, I need a new car charger. Then I come home, and for once remember to bring it in to charge it and go to plug it it just to find two wires!!!! Guinness must have eaten the end off again. He seems to like electronics. He’s chewed through oh, about four cell phone chargers now and my vacuume cleaner cord. He is so sweet and lovable, but I swear I could strangle him from time to time. Now I have no way to charge my cell phone and have to go get two new chargers! Blah.

One Year Ago Today.

I go back to the school I taught at last year on Thursdays and help out. Normally, it’s no big deal. I mean I don’t get emotional or anything, but yes, I’m emotional today. I don’t know why, as I wasn’t tearful on the last day of school, but today I want to cry.

Maybe it’s because one of my students came and talked to me for quite awhile. Maybe it’s the drama going on there, who knows. The classes I miss the most were the two I was most hesitant to teach: Newspaper and Journalism. It was probably the laid back nature of those classes, either way, join me in a trip down memory lane….

[rockyou id=84721148]

And because it’s the one year anniversary of my first published paper, you should go check it out at The Gateway Medallion.

Dinner with a Friend

Yesterday I went to dinner with Keri.  She kept asking me why I was so quiet and I don’t really know.  It’s like I’m a different person when I work in the office all day.  I’m quiet, withdrawn and slow.  When I was a teacher, that never really happened.  I think I was always a bit private (withdrawn) until people got to know me, but overall, I wasn’t quiet and generally wasn’t slow.  I processed things at a faster speed.   Keri would tell you that I still couldn’t multitask, but my multitasking abilities and hers just differ.  She has an uncanny ability to stay focused on one thing while doing something else, but I can get distracted and have to pause to regroup.  I don’t know if that made any sense, if you know us both, it probably does. 🙂

Ahh…this post began with dinner with a friend.  Keri and I are so different.  School brought us together and through her I still keep in touch with that world.  I love it.  I miss teaching, but I don’t.  I’m sure it’s like any job.  But ultimately, I want to go back and I want to go back to Gateway.  Keri and I were talking last night about the fact that Gateway has the perfect population 30/30/30/10…..and for those who want to know what those numbers stand for it’s race: black/white/hispanic/other.  I guess some of the new teachers weren’t prepared for the diversity and don’t like it and are already planning on leaving.  Can you imagine, being three weeks into a job and knowing you want to leave, but having to wait 9 months?  And 9 months in the teaching world is much longer than 9 months in the business world.

Happy Running

Today was a good day, but I’m beat.  I went with Zach to Great Clips to get his hair cut, (I know, I know, I normally cut it, but it’s been over six weeks and we just haven’t gotten around to it.  It’s the clean up.), anyway, after he was done he came over to me to leave and I could barely stand up, he had to pull me up and then I kinda wobbled to the car.  I suppose it was funny, but I felt ridiculous.  I guess running kinda kicked my butt today, but it’s all good.  I’m still enjoying it and my calves are looking mighty nice.  Too bad I don’t wear more dresses. 🙂

So I went to Gateway today.  It was great to be around students again.  I really, really do miss them, and I miss the interaction with people.  I mean today I sat in this big office with four other people total, and that was only at one point, most of the day it was three of us.  I never thought about that when I worked there before, I guess your perspective changes over time.  Just like, I really don’t care that I’m giving up two hours of my life once a week and not getting paid for it, but last year I’d have thrown a fit.  Hmmm….  I hope the student are okay with me hanging around.  I hope Corrie is okay with it.  I hope that the students realize it is still her class (and I think they do).  I hope we all get along all year.  I hope I’m a blessing to Corrie and not a burden.  I hope this keeps me happy until I go back.  I hope school is everything I’m looking for.  I hope leaving teaching for a few years doesn’t come back to haunt me.

Zach laid eight tiles today!  YAY!!!  They look great and we are slowly getting closer.  If it didn’t get so darn hot in the house, if we didn’t have Zach’s math and if we could both stay healthy on the same days we’d be done already.  Argh.  But it’ll come.

Funny, I started this blog to write about Running and what happened, more about other crap than running.  Well, I can run walk twoish miles every other day.  I think that’s pretty good for a person who was convinced a few month ago that she’d never be able to run because of her messed up ankles.  Yes, my ankle has bugged me a bit the last two times, but it’s not keeping me down.  On a side note, now that I’ve commited to this grand running program…..watch me get pregnant and have to stop.  Ha!  Okay, I’m not pregnant for those who are now freaking out.  Only God knows when that will happen, so stop asking. 🙂  I’m just always thinking of excused to stay fat and un-fit. 🙂  I’m an over-thinker.

To bed I go and it's oh, so early, but as I stated earlier, I'm beat and no one really reads these anyway, so I don't suppose it needs to be a book.  Good night all!

Accomplishments/ToDo

School starts in a week.  I’m a bit nervous to go back to school, but as I was reminded last night, I’ve only been away for two years, so it shouldn’t be that bad.  I got all my books on Tuesday…..they just make me smile.  Man, do I love books!

Most anyone who is around us, knows we are tiling our downstairs.  This is a massive project that we wanted done at the beginning of the summer and is now in hopes of being finished by the end of Bronco preseason. *fingers crossed*  So…..Monday I was exhausted.  Zach had been kept me up the night before being sick, we won’t go into details, but it’s the first time since we’ve been married that one of us has left the room to sleep.  Dad called that evening and wanted to fix the wall (don’t ask), so he came over.  He also took back the frige I’d borrowed for teaching, his dolly, and our guest bed (for my Grandpa to sleep on next week when he is at their house).  It was nice to get some of that stuff taken care of.  I’m hoping my parents keep the bed for a while so I can use the guest room as sorting spot to get the rest of the house in order.

Yesterday, Zach and I talked about how our house it driving us nuts.  It’s cluttery, dusty and disorganized.  And I don’t know when it happened.  Anyway, this is what we accomplished last night:
* Zach and Hanna laid three tiles.
* I cleaned out the office and threw a bunch of stuff away.
* I cleaned the kitchen, did dishes, etc.
* We removed some “old” food from the fridge.
* Zach did laundry, which cleaned up our room termendously.
I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but I felt like we did great.  Especially, because we never really do any work when we get home from work, and I was extermely whiny last night, which threatened to ruin any productivity. 🙂

What we have left to do:
* Tiling (24 full tiles, all the cut edges, grouting, trim, painting)
* Finish organizing office, make it a working office for two.
* Throw crap away to clean out the guestroom a bit.
* Clean bedroom, both baths, living room, dining room, kitchen, not pickup…CLEAN.
*Create a schedule for clean so I don't get so far behind.
* Clean/Organize garage.
* Plant rose bush (I might have to keep it inside for the winter, might have waited too long)
* Find/design place for herbs for winter.
And all that by Monday….ha!

So far the weekend looks to be busy:
* High School Muscial 2 Party at our house (I don’t know, Zach asked, I said okay)
* Saturday morning Zach wants to go into work for four hours.
* Sunday afternoon we are going swimming at a friend house.

Tomorrow I get to go to Gateway and help out with the Newspaper.  I’m so excited to just be around students and people again.  I stopped by yesterday and I didn’t realize how uneventful my days are now. 🙂  It was good to stop by, I’m glad Corrie and I have come to this arrangement and that my boss is okay with it.  It’s good.

Oh, and the last of my accomplishments.  I started the Couch to 5K running program last week (www.coolrunning.com for more info).  I’ve managed four days so far…..I completed week one and did my first day of week two yesterday.  The nice things, I get to take Lexi, I don’t get bored and I’m actually really enjoying it and my ankle only started to bug me yesterday, but I stretched it out and it’s doing fine now.  Guinness hates it because he is stuck at home alone, but I tried to take him once and he just causes problems, but that is for another blog.  Tomorrow will be day five or Week 2, Day 2. 🙂 

May 15

I had a wonderful day! I managed to stay out of my classroom for almost three full hours. I know this sounds odd, but I rarely leave my room. Today I walked a student to her science class, ran into a student who had decided not to come back to my class and ended up in the deans office where I could smell cookies baking, so I wandered over the Food for Today classroom where I decided to hang out. I didn’t know the teacher and I only knew one student, but it was so relaxing to get out of my room, hang out with some other people, talk to new teachers. I’m going to miss having place to escape to. And thanks to Sherre for making me cookies! They were even J’s with purple frosting. I might go back next week for tacos and nachos. 🙂

Have you ever felt like you weren’t being yourself? That people don’t know the real you? That who’ve you become is not who you want to be? A few months ago I felt that way. I was so negative. I don’t remember smiling. I guess I was in a funk. I heard people talking about how they didn’t know me or how I’d react to certain things. I’ve always known I’m pretty interverted and I don’t generally share the “real” me for quite sometime after I know people. I was talking to Tom today I think part of it might be the fact that I’m afraid of people judging me and saying negative things about me. I don’t know why I have this fear and I really don’t know why I thought teaching would be the place to get away from judgmental people, but in a way I think it’s helped me grow. I can’t say that I don’t care what people thing of me, but I understand that there are times that I have to just be me whether everyone around me likes that or not. I feel like I’m back to myself again. I’m a tad more outgoing, I smile more, I joke more, I’m not so negative….I’m me, who I like to be. Maybe part of this is because I have three weeks left and who cares what people say about me after I leave? Might as well enjoy the last few weeks attitude is great, but it’s made me sad. I love what I’m doing and I love the relationships I’m building with my fellow teachers and most of all my students. I tell them everyday that I love them, but I really don’t think they believe me. Each of my students has a special place in my heart. I can’t imagine what it would be like to teach at a school for four years and see the students I had as freshman grow into adults, they’ve all grown so much over the last several months.

I guess I’m filled with a joyful sorrow, or a sorrowful joy, or maybe both. 🙂