I started my day with an email from my dad. He is worried about my mom because she is getting much worse, much faster than ever and he doesn’t know what do to.
I’ve noticed it. Last week, Dad was out of town and I ran some errands for Mom. I almost had to go over to help her take a shower as she was concerned she couldn’t get in the bathtub. But I don’t know what to do either. She can hardly walk, she can’t get in and out of a car without someone forcing her leg to bend, her clothes hang off her, but she still smiles and doesn’t complain (unless you push her for how she is doing). How do you watch someone who has worked her tail off her whole life for you just slip away and not have the resources to live?
I pray, it’s all I know how to do. I listen, I try to offer support, but it feels like it falls short of what is really needed. Mom prays…she believes God will heal her. She goes to healing meeting after healing meeting, but has only gotten worse.
My sister and I struggle. We don’t want to be mad at God if he chooses not to heal Mom. We know God’s plan is not our plan, but it feels like Mom has stopped living waiting for the healing.
And so today I’ve been depressed. I’ve cried. I don’t know how to help them. I don’t always agree how they spend theirs or how they’ve chosen to ignore this disease, but I still want the best for my Mom. I don’t want her stress. I don’t want her in pain. I want her around to watch her grandkids grow up and I want her grandkids to know her. And so I cry and pray.