Thursday was a yucky day. My stomach was in knots, my head was racing, and was hurting a little more each hour.
In the early morning light Zach came to kiss me goodbye, like he does every morning. He sat on the bed next to me, leaned down and gave me a kiss, followed by “I love you.”
“Do you really?” Crap. Why did I just say that?
What ensued was a quick (less than five minute discussion) on why I was upset, which left Zach feeling like a horrible husband and probably extremely frustrated at me and me feeling like a lousy, selfish wife. Neither of us was happy. What a great start to the day!
We didn’t have time to really talk and I knew that when I brought it up. It wasn’t urgent, life threatening or anything, just a slight irritation. So why did I bring it up?
Maybe it’s because I have a filter problem. I have a tendency to state what I’m thinking with little thought to the consequences. Some would say this isn’t true, but it very much my problem with my husband. It is extremely difficult for me NOT to tell him something that is bugging me or something I’m excited about. Secrets are pretty much non-existent around here (at least from my side of things).
Many times this isn’t such a bad thing. It keep our communication open and free. No guessing and being unsure. But in cases like Friday, it just causes lousy days for no reason. Thankfully, lousy days don’t lead to lousy nights and weekends.
After twelvish hours of thinking about it (Zach had school after work, so I didn’t get to see him/talk to him for too long), I was able to apologize and fully mean it, Zach forgave me, we talked and moved on. How horrible would it be to live without forgiveness?