Today is a day I don’t like…it’s the day Aunt Flow comes to visit. Cramps come and I feel messy…and then the depression hits.
I wonder why we still aren’t pregnant…10 months of very actively monitoring and trying…why? It took seven or eight months with Isaac and it felt like torture. This is worse. The longer it takes, the more difference in age between our children….and then there’s the people….
I don’t like to talk about this sort of stuff. To me it is private. It depresses me enough and so I deal with it an move on and don’t want to discuss it. I also feel like it’s really none of anyones business if we are having sex, if we are having more kids and when.
Yes, I know people don’t mean harm, most of the time it’s well meant interest in our lives, or out of awkwardness of not seeing us in so long, but here’s the two things about asking such questions as….when are you guys going to have more kids?
1. We’ve been trying forever and at this point wish that second kid was already born, so in asking this it just brings it to the surface and causes depression and irritation.
2. If we were pregnant at the time of the question it forces is to either lie or tell the person questioning. If we haven’t already determined we want that person to know…it just causes problems.
I really do believe if people want to talk about this stuff, they will lead the conversation in that direction and then it is open game to ask about….but if you are talking about football and suddenly ask one of these types of questions, you are likely to get your head bitten off….at least if you are around me. If I want you to know were trying….I’ll tell you. If we are pregnant….I’ll tell you when I’m ready for you to know.
For now, I try to keep my mind on God. That he is in control and knows exactly when and where our next little one will be born. He has a plan….I may not see it, but that it the beauty…it I could see the plan, would it be any fun to live?