Reflections

Zach is being required to write daily reflections.  I used to have to write reflections all the time in school.  Maybe that is why I like to blog – it gives me time to reflect, and in some cases forces me to reflect.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being a better person, being a better mom, being a better wife, sister, daughter.  But I’m wondering how do I measure it.  How do I know I’m better?

Teacher create rubrics and ways to assess their students.  Using these same tools over and over allows them to see growth and change.  Can we ever really measure a person?

I was reading an old email today, and it struck me as harsh, mean, rude.  I wrote it over 10 years ago with the intention of being clear and not mis-leading.  Even today, I don’t know how I could have “lessened” the blow.

Quick synopsis: Older guy tells me I looked nice and he wanted to get to know me better.  I responded with a “thank you” but I’m not interested in getting you.  I was painfully honest.  I remember the battle…I wrote and rewrote the email, but it never sounded any nicer.

Could I have said thank you and sure let’s get to know each other better?  Yes, but I would have been lying.  Would it have made me a better person?  Or a weaker one?

Ten years later I still struggle and as American or in today’s culture, I think we tend to “be nice” but sacrifice being honest and sincere.  We say “we should get together” when we really never plan on it.  We water-down our opinions to keep the peace.  We don’t hold others accountable when they need it for fear of hurting feelings.

In my world this doesn’t make us better.  I want to honest.  I want to be sincere.  I want to be respectful.  And I want the people I surround myself with to be the same.  Is that wrong?  I’m guessing that this is what most of us want, so why do we try to “be nice”?

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