I’m trying to figure out if I’m my own worst enemy. I feel like an emotional teenager.
All day I’ve looked forward to having going out to dinner to get wings with some of Zach’s friends. I even went to all the work to take a shower. I changed my clothes when I realized I’d forgotten to shave and my dress was showing all the spots that needed attention.
They were all meeting at 6, so we knew we’d be late as Zach doesn’t get off until 6. Zach called me on his way home and since I was starving, I was ready for him as soon as he pulled into the driveway. I discussed my frustration with one of my classes on the way to get dinner, probably not the best of ideas, as I was pretty rialed up when we got to the resturant.
They had decided to sit outside with the smokers. I don’t like smoke…in fact I hate it and now, with being pregnant, I hate it even more. It might have worked had the smoking people not been sitting two feet from me, blowing smoke in my direction and with the stupid circulation fans they had in the enclosure just made it impossible to get away from the smoke. I was hot and had been all day and the only spots left were with the sun shining directly in my eyes. Not to mention the only people we knew were at the opposite end of the table that we were at, so I felt really left out. I decided to leave. I don’t know if that was a wise decision.
I thought of just going inside and sitting at the bar and eating my wings. I mean it was cool inside and then I’d get my wings and when Zach was ready to go, I’d be there, but no….I’m too stubborn. I left. I got maybe a block away and tears started streaming down my face and I’ve been crying ever since. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I’m sure there were plenty of solutions that didn’t envolve me leaving and going home to be by myself for yet more hours on end. This is the same stupid stuff I did in high school. I get something in my head and I’m to stubborn to reason through anything else and instead I just make myself miserable and making myself an outcast.
Stupid, stupid me.