Engaged

My sister is getting married. I’m happy for her, but also disappointed. And I’m trying to keep all this bottled up inside, so she can be happy. It’s hard. I’ve finally warmed up to Joe a bit, but I’m having a little harder time with his family, but I guess that’s all fine and dandy, except for a few things I’ll note below.

Stacy promised me last summer that she’d wait to get married until Joe and her had lived in the same state for three months (as the entire time they’ve been together he has been in the Navy). Based on what I can tell, that’s not going to happen. But that’s part of the problem. Stacy won’t talk to me about her plans…it’s like she is hiding something from me…so all my information is hearsay.

Joe told me he was going to propose last weekend. I was so super happy. I was even happy on the day that Stacy finally called to tell us….yep that’s right….two days later. I understand her reasoning, she didn’t have much time to spend with Joe, but how many people don’t call and tell the people they are “close” to? But by that evening I was miserably depressed.

Some of Mom’s family was in town and we all had brunch together Sunday morning. Joe’s plane was leaving at 4 and he had to be at the airport by 2:30 (or at least that is what we were told). Anyway, at brunch we sat across from Stacy and Joe. Stacy was fine, but Joe seems to not like our family. He hardly ever smiles and doesn’t really interact. I don’t see him as this type of shy person, and maybe he is just always tired around us, but it’s weird. It’s the same overall feeling I get from his family. Like they are better than us or something. Stacy’s ring is one or two sizes too big and she asked me to go with her to get it resized before she leaves for Thailand and Vietnam. (This will become important later). I’d suggested that Stacy and Joe record “the story” together, because they will never be more excited about it than now and they won’t be together for a while. They liked that idea and I told them they were welcome to use my video camera…by the time they got to my house, I realized I had no empty or even partially empty discs. You can get them at the grocery store, which is between our house and Joe’s, so I suggested they stop there and get some. And they rushed off. We were left with the understanding that Joe’s parent’s would bring Stacy back to our house after the airport. Since they had told us Joe needed to be at the airport at 2:30, we were expecting her around 3:30 or so.

Mom, Dad and I really wanted to hang out with Stacy. We rarely get to see her and now with such exciting news. Well….by 4 we still hadn’t heard from her…so we called….no answer. She finally called us back around 5 and said that she was at Joe’s house hanging out with his little brother and that Joe’s parent’s were at the store and that they would drop her off later. We all took bets on when she’d show up. I guess we kinda know that she doesn’t like us and doesn’t really want to be around us. Anyway, about six she shows up. We are all about to get dinner and Joe’s mom and Joe’s brother help bring in Stacy’s stuff. And are quickly gone, but not before I find out that Joe’s mom is the one that did all the packing for there trip and right before she leaves, she said, “Give me a call this week and we’ll get lunch next weekend and get that ring resized.” WHAT??? What makes that her job? Shouldn’t that be something her mom or her sister help with? Not to mention the fact that Stacy has already asked me to do this. Stacy just nods and says yes. She then informs us that she is going to church and her friend is picking her up in 15 minutes. So we got 15 minutes, and part of that time was spent on the phone with friends telling them she was engaged. For some reason this devastated me. This is why I’ve tried to put distance between the two of us….I think I’m needier and she doesn’t understand that. Maybe it’s because she’s been handed everything on a silver platter her whole life….more about that later.

Here is what I’ve heard about the plans through the grapevine:

  • Stacy is doing a semester abroad next Spring (2009)
  • She graduates in May 2009
  • They plan on getting married in June 2009
  • She will not student teach (and finish her school) until later (after all the other plans?)
  • The goal is to get Joe transfered to Japan and move there after the wedding.
  • After Joe gets out of the Navy…three years from now, two years after they wedding, they want to join the PeaceCorps for two years.
  • Joe will have four groomsmen, but Stacy doesn’t know what to do about Bridesmaids….I’m confused/concerned….I don’t know if she wants me in the wedding, if she just assumes I will be in the wedding or will ever share her plans with me.

I’m scared to ask, because I don’t want to be disagreeable….I don’t want her to hate me because I open my stupid mouth on the things I disagree with but really have nothing to do with me. I have a tendency to be opinionated and it comes off wrong sometimes. Let’s take for example, that she is going to plan a wedding while in a foreign country, which means, she’ll come home, graduate, her fiance will come home and then have a wedding all in the same month. Not to mention Zach and I will both also be graduating that summer. Oh, and the fact they we are trying to have a baby and that could be thrown right in there with everything too. Part of me just wants her to get married and move away now, so I can stop stressing about it all.

Some random things that bother me about my sister and my parents:

  • I paid 100% of my college tuition and books.
  • Mom and Dad have paid for half of Stacy’s, if not more.
  • I wanted to travel like my sister, but didn’t have the ability (money) because of school.
  • Mom and Dad let Stacy use their FF miles for random trips all the time, but never would for me, even when I had a ligitimite reason.
  • We (Zach and I) paid for our entire wedding. Mom and Dad came in at the end and paid for some of it, but that was like three days before the wedding.
  • Mom seems to be planning on paying for Stacy’s wedding.
  • Mom put the requirement on Zach when he asked to marry me that he would get a degree.
  • No requirements of any sort were put on Joe and/or Stacy.

I already have the feeling that I will be the one to take care of my elderly parents, then why does Stacy get everything?

Why is it okay for her to go on trips and stay at Joe’s house all the time, but it wasn’t for me? I mean, I was a virgin on the day I got married, but my father still doubted me. It was a topic of conversation all the time. But I never spent the night at Zach’s house, we were never caught half-naked in my closet making out, yet I was untrustworthy? Why? Stacy says I’m jealous of her, and maybe I am, but man, it’s not always fun being the oldest female child. It’s better to be the baby, the one they want to take care of, they one they don’t have to try things out on, the one that is allowed to have attitudes, the one that is allowed to take over the house even when she doesn’t live there.

And because of all this….I don’t want to have kids. I don’t think I can let them get married. I don’t want them to hate me. I don’t want them to move away from me. I don’t want to treat them different and them to compare.

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3 thoughts on “Engaged

  1. Yennifer, Yennifer. I wish I could be there to give you a hug. I don’t know what to say about the whole Stacy thing, but I will say this. You’re going to be a wonderful mom. And, together, you and Zach are going to be fantastic parents–you’re already such an amazing team and you bring out the best in each other, which is, quite frankly, about the opposite of what we’ve each seen our parents do. Thus, hang in there!

    also…do you have plans for the evening of Mother’s Day or the morning of the 12th? Maybe we can get breakfast!

  2. You will be here for your birthday!! Hooray! I will make myself available. At this point I don’t have plans for either. When do you leave? Zach and I go to TN on the 15th, okay Z on the 15th, me on the 14th.

  3. If I had a dollar for every time I heard my wife say the words at the last paragraph of your blog I would be rich. I can’t tell you how often my wife is afraid of letting our kids grow up, move out and letting go eventually. Heck, even before Judah was one she ended up crying in my arms knowing that he would move away and get married one day. The bottom line is just because you know how much you will love your kids and want them to always be there doesn’t mean you wont be a good parent.

    You will do great with little McCarty’s running around the house one day.

    As far as the other stuff, you should be commended for standing up and fighting for your convictions. Even though you may feel they may not be properly recognized, I know it means a lot to those that you love (even the ones that may not show it enough). Don’t feel any regrets for being who you are!

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