I feel like writing today. I haven’t felt like writing in quite a while, but I don’t know what to write about. Life is pretty uneventful lately. I seem to be spending most of my time depressed and hiding from the world. I went through a depression spell once where all I did was work, eat, sleep…..literally nothing in between. I don’t know why my parents didn’t freak out. At least this time, its just feelings….I’m still able to function in the world and interact and no one knows the difference. But I do tend to steer clear of friends and gatherings and I don’t feel like writing.

Today I’m happy. I don’t know why. Nothing has changed from yesterday, but non-the-less I’m happy.

I was discussing my phone-phobia with a co-worker today. This co-worker has known me for about six years and we became so close that there was a running joke that we were married (we fought a lot, but still were close and good friends), now that we work in different departments he is labeled my ex-husband….oh, I’m getting side-tracked. Anyway, I’ve recently “come out” about my phone-phobia. I don’t generally discuss it with people, but I’m starting to recognize it as a real problem and I don’t know where it came from.

Here’s the problem….I will not answer the home phone. I rarely answer my cell phone. I will not call people, if some one needs to be called I make my husband do it. We have caller-id, so I always know who is calling and it’s not that I don’t want to talk to the person or I don’t like them or anything like that….I just don’t want to be on the phone. Now, if you are lucky enough to get me on the phone, I don’t have a problem talking for hours upon hours, but you have to get me on the phone first.

There are a few exceptions to “my fear.” I have no problems answering the phone and talking to Zach or calling him. In fact, I do it all the time and probably drive him crazy. If I’m “working,” whether at home or in the office, again, no problems….in fact I sometimes prefer it over email. So why is it that I can’t pick up the phone and call my parents? Can’t answer the phone when my good friend calls? Get really anxious when I have to call people back? WhY? I really don’t understand this problem, but it is a problem.

People have asked that I continue “My Love Story”…I will try, but it gets a little boring after we got married. 🙂 Zach keeps telling me he is going to work on his, but he works full-time and has four classes this semester, so it might not be until this summer. If you haven’t begun “My Love Story,” it’s pretty much a book, so you probably won’t read it in one sitting and should get working on that. 🙂 You can find the link at the top or right side.

Since I’ve gained three pounds since New Years, I’m really on a diet, well WW. I picked this up on Monday and so far I’ve been good. I’m allowed 20 points a day and get 35 extra points. Each day I’ve eaten a bit over my 20 points, but today was the highest at 25 and that is because I went out to lunch with the work folk. Which, by the way, if you live in the Denver area, Bull & Bush makes some yummy french fries. 🙂 I decided I can obsess about losing weight, it might do me good. Since I’ve not been to the gym in a two weeks, I decided to focus on my food intake first and get that under control and build the gym back in after that. It’s just been so cold….too cold for the gym and I need something to do or I think too much. Sob, sob. I know. My own private symphony.


8 thoughts on “Curious

  1. I’m a little like that about the phone. I NEVET call anyone except my husband and brother and no one calls me any more because they know I don’t like to talk on the phone. I guess that’s why I like the net so much.

  2. You know you are not alone. Many people are in depressed states currently. Life can be pretty
    tedious and often unrewarding. We can’t control what happens to us. My husband and other people I love often feel live is nothing but eat, work, and sleep.

    Personally, I feel a lot differently. WE ALWAYS have the CHOICE of how we respond to life! I tried being miserable, it sucked, so I gave it up. Throughout life we could be miserable every day because of all the irritants…but that isn’t any fun. I refuse to let my life live me!

    It takes practice to keep this attitude all the time, but believe me it is possible. If you knew the total circumstances of my life you would know, without a doubt, it is possible!

    The only person who can make life rock is YOU! I am not preaching, I just want people to know life can be beautiful every moment. Besides, we could all die in 5 minutes…I am going out happy!

    The other thing I would like to mention is (as a personal trainer for years) – obsess about getting a healthy eating program becoming a habit. People fall off diets. If you eat healthfully, you will control your weight. Lastly (hope you don’t mind), start back at the gym – since you’ve worked out before your body will flow into it easier than you think. Besides you don’t want to loose weight and have it flabby – you want it firm and sexy, eh?

    CREATE a wonderful day and God bless!

  3. Hey, good to see you back online. I am glad you are having a good day. I can’t say I understand your phone phobia but I do understand little phobias like that. I have a couple of my own, one more recent than most but most people don’t have the same. There may have been something in your past may just be a thing you will have to deal with but honestly… you function just fine, you have ways of communicating that you are wonderful at so I hope you don’t think you phobia is a flaw, more like a quirk 🙂

    Good luck on WW, I know you will do better than me, ha ha!

  4. Hey,
    thanks for saying that about the phone phobia, i thought i was the only one. i’ve been trying to get better at it, definitely not easy.

  5. It sounds like you write a lot about the fact that you don’t know what to write about.
    You see I’m not like that. I have like…tons of crazy shit to say…shit that makes you think…shit that makes you cry…and then just plain shit….

    I’m the Lone Crusader and you can find my shit at

    I’m just messin’ with you baby. Nice blog.

  6. i haven’t the phone phobia but i can tell you that call someone or answer is not probleme but is this person the good wish i want to talk
    i not sure if i can find somone how can call me and i will be happy to ansewer him

  7. Well I thought I was the ONLY one with a “phone phobia”, it took me many years to even recognize what it is…or that it is. Though I accept their existance in our lives and the benifits and the conveince they provide I acutually kind of cringe inside when a phone reings. I always have and actually threw a phone (my own) out the back door and into the back yard once. I have even fantasized about about having a pump action 12 gauge shotgun loaded and in my arms when a phone rings and I blow it to pieces everytime it rings. I think it is some primal thing I do not fully understand but for what it’s worth there it is. And that’s all I have to say for now. Gotta go buy some ammo.
    Love ya

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