Love in the Mountains

I work with people from all over the country and when they learn I’m from Denver, they always assume that means I live in the mountains.  Now, I don’t live in Denver proper, but a suburb.  But Denver is also not “in” the mountains.  In fact, it’s on the plains, a little further west you have the foothills and then you get to the towering Rocky Mountains.  Wide open spaces have surrounded me for most of my life.  Okay, yes, I’ve always lived in a nice little suburban neighborhood, but fields are far closer than the city.

We live East…high up on the plains, or rather the rolling plains.  A top of the hills we have some amazing views, far more amazing than most of the place in Colorado.  Yesterday, we drove into the city.  It had recently snowed, so the mountains were white topped peaks in the distance, the sun shone brightly and the sky was bright blue.  These are my favorite days.  I can’t help but be drawn to the beauty and majesty of the mountains running the entire length of the Western horizon.  As we drove closer to the city, the view changed.  The mountains got bigger, but lost some of the amazing-ness…we could see more details in the foothills, but the view of the bigger mountains is stunted with these huge hills being so close.  I told Zach, so many people in Denver miss out on the true beauty of these mountains, they look far better out where we live.  Zach told me I need to go take some pictures, but the camera can never get even a fraction of the beauty, majesty and scope.

Today we were stopped at a light on top of one of our eastern hills.  Directly in front of us was a beautiful view of Pike’s Peak, to the right, as far as we could see, down our car and out the back window were the rest of the Colorado Rocky Mountains, snow-capped under a grey sky.   A few moments later, the clouds over the mountains opened up to allow the sun through.  The peaks, glowed under the grey sky.   It always amazes me.  It never gets old.

My sister moved away several years ago.  She now lives on the ocean, no mountain peaks to view daily.  When she was visiting last year, we were driving around and she said, “Oh, wow!  The mountains are beautiful.  I must have always taken them for granted and not paid attention.”  Now, she had seen the mountains, she knew they were gorgeous, but it’s so easy to lose the breath-taking wonder when you see it everyday.

The mountains speak God’s love to me.  Every time I see them, I’m reminded of his grace.  It is rare that I don’t notice them, I’ve always been filled with wonder when I see them.  I love the little sneaking peek I get of them from my kitchen window, especially as I’m cooking dinner and the sun it blazing beautiful oranges, pinks and purples across the sky.  It brings a smile to my face – God saying, “I love you!”

And he’s three!

We are now the proud parents of a three-year-old.  I don’t know quite how this happened.  It’s so cliche but it seems like yesterday he was born and yet I can’t imagine him not being here.

A year ago I had to be his translator.  It worked well.  I was around him all the time, so even if he left out parts, I knew what he meant – I was there.  Today, no translator is required.  He is quite happy to talk to complete strangers.  To a busboy at a restaurant the other night:

I: What’s your name?

A: Anthony.  What is your name?

I: Oh, (laughs), Isaac.

A: Isaac.  That’s a good.  It’s from Bible, right?

I: I’m three. (Holds up three fingers.

A: Oh, really? (He has to move on.

I (to us): He is nice.  He’s my best friend.

Later…

I to A: You’re my best friend.

A: Oh, I can be your friend.

It’s a little more embarrassing when he decides he needs to ask the other person’s age and sometime he busts out crazy stories.  At the toy store, to the cashier:

I: This is an owl.   He says “whooo-whooo.  Last night there was an owl on my house.  We went an saw it.

Cashier: Was it big?

I: Oh no.  It was just little.  He flew away because a car came.

Isaac can now play games and do puzzles and draw a face.  He loves to trace letters, especially his name and can sometimes, if he is in the right mood, write out his name without help.  He is “potty-trained,” including the night.  We have accidents from time to time, but that is going to happen anytime you have a kid.

His Loves:

• Toys: cars, trains, airplanes, helicopters and fire engines.
• Movies/Shows: WordWorld, Cars, Cars 2, Jungle Book, Rio, A Bug’s Life and Veggie Tales Little Drummer Boy.
• Songs: Party Rock, Wheels on the Bus, This is the Day and There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly.
• Books: Big Hungry Bear, his Cars Learning to Read Books, pretty much anything he can get his hands on.
• Food: Meat (meatballs & pork), cereal, yogurt and cheese.

But it’s not all fun.  I’ve always believed threes to be the worst age and while I love the conversations I can have with Isaac, this is definitely a trying stage.  He is so demanding and emotional.  He has this, “It’s too hard” attitude about things and just drives me crazy.  He is also sneaky, in my face and just plain mean sometimes.   And a lot of this revolves around his thumb sucking.  We are trying to encourage him not to suck his thumb by reminding him when he is doing it and saying he can only suck his thumb in his bed.  This reminder almost always leads to a fit, yelling and/or being sneaky and he sucks his thumb ALL-THE-TIME!

I really do love this kid.  The way he thinks up games and activities to keep his grandma involved in hours of play.  His thoughtfulness in wanting to know if people are feeling okay or happy.  His willingness to do things he really doesn’t want to (like to go nap).  His cute “Dudes.” His spontaneous high-fives, hugs and kisses.  The way he calls everyone his “best friend” and uses it to get us to do what he wants.  It really is amazing to watch a child grow.  To see your impact on them and how their little personalities develop.

Oh My!

I’ve been working on organizing all my digital stuff…music, photos and videos. I got my first digital camera in 2003…shortly there after my parents got me a video camera (mini-DVD) for my birthday. I’ve converted most of my mini-DVD’s to .mov formats, which is great because I used to switch out discs and the dates for discs can span five years or be all in one setting. It’s nice to get them organized.

Today, I ran across this video:

This was my 23rd birthday…I know, I know….so exciting! I had friends to my parents house and we played Taboo. What amazed me was how darn skinny I was. I know I’ve heard people who complained about their weight and I couldn’t fathom what they were talking about. But let me tell you…at the time this video was taken I was doing weight watchers because I thought I was fat. I rarely talked about my weight, so I doubt that many people knew I saw myself this way.

This video was taken about a month before Zach proposed and about five months before we got married. I remember walking into Victoria Secret wanting some new stuff and insisting I needed a large. The sales rep looked at me wide-eyed and said, “oh, I don’t think so. I’m sure a small will fit.” Guess what it did, though I still went with the medium. I think I had this whole complex about the way I really looked.

About a week ago I found an old notebook. It was filled with my daily goals, weight and measurements from way back in 2003 (funny how things come up around the same time). Anyway, I weighed a whopping 128 pounds! (And I guarantee I wouldn’t have told you that back then.)

Today, some people would look at me and think, “she’s not overweight.” But I am. According to my BMI, I’m just slightly overweight. I feel it. Even in the last couple of months I’ve put on some weight (darn birthday, thanksgiving, christmas and Isaac’s birthday all being crammed together) and I want it to go away.

Would I like to be 128 pounds again? Heck, yes! But I’d also be quite happy to be 140 pounds. I’ve joined Weigh and Win (if you are in Colorado and looking to lose weight, you should too. Get a little money for your work.) and I’m trying to get back to where I was last year when I was losing weight (most of which I’ve gained back). Maybe if I just watch this video when I’m feeling like some sweets, I’ll be able to get the motivation and will-power I so desperately need.

A Fresh Day

How is it that I fall apart at the end of the year?  All my drive and motivation falls out the window.  And then, the new year come around and everything seems so fresh…like I can do anything?  It’s only a new day.  The same as any other day.

Last year I planned to:

• Read 50 books.  In December, I changed it to 40 and even then I cheated a bit with a book I determined I’m never going to read, some books I’ve read to Isaac and one I finished this morning.  40 books…that was better than my, umm…less than 10 the year before.
• To blog every day.  I made this for the first half of the year.  Then it seemed I was writing about nothing and so I took a break…and then more breaks….but I still blogged a lot.
• Take a picture everyday.  Much like blogging, this one didn’t get 100% completed, but I have plenty to show for the year.  I’m not finished with getting all my photos in order.  It’ll be interesting to look through the final listing.  Maybe I’ll even print a photobook.

Last year, I lost 10 pound in the first three months, but never really made it beyond that.  How I wish I would have.

We started the year with Zach student teaching and rarely seeing him and we ended it spending lots and lots of time together as a family.

This year, I have goals.  I’ve never been much to write my goals down or share them with others, so this is a bit different for me.  

My 2012 List:

1. Find a church and attend regularly.
2. Eat out less than four times a month (not including vacations where anything goes).
3. Be active daily and do a true workout three times a week.
4. Bake bread once a week.
5. Read 50 books (including reading to chapter books to Isaac before bed).
6. Enter and compete in one race.
7. Blog at least once a week.
8. Post a photo to Instagram daily.

These are the things for me.  It’s so easy for me to get lost in Mom, Wife and Work Worlds and forget about taking care of and doing things for myself.  Are there things on this list that will impact my family for the better as well?  Absolutely, but they are on this list purely for selfish reasons.

Let’s see what God has in store for us in 2012.

Back

I can’t believe I’ve haven’t written in almost a month and a half.  I’ve been thinking of this little sliver of my world, but haven’t taken a moment to sit down and write.  I’ve been busy at work, which means long hours.  I’ve started and worked on some of the projects around the house that have been needing done.  I’ve done a lot of baking and making things and we hosted Thanksgiving, a Christmas brunch and Christmas Day.

Now, I rest, put my house back together and get ready for Isaac’s birthday.  I can’t believe he is going to be three.  I barely remember life without him, but it also seems like he it was just yesterday he was joining this world.

A Day for Mom

“Happy Mother’s Day!”

A flicker of confusion falls to her face, “is it Mother’s Day too?”

“Nope. Just the day you became a mother 31 years ago.”

The smile returns, “You’re right. How clever of you.”

I wasn’t being “clever,” but it dawned on me on Isaac’s birthday that birthdays are more than just for the person who has them…they are just as important for Mom and Dad. It’s the day their whole lives changed.

And so today, on the first day of my 31st year of life, I plan to spend some time with my family.

Kids Say Sunday

We were driving in Arizona. They have lots of middle turn lanes.
Jenn: You are going to just have to turn into that lane and wait for an opening.
Zach: I know. I just hate doing that.
Isaac: Daddy, we don’t say hate.
Zach: I’m sorry.
Crossing the street, me holding on for dear life as a car whizzes by.
Zach: That’s why I hate these.
Isaac: WE DON’T SAY HATE!
Zach: I don’t like these. Is that better?
Isaac: Yeah. (goes back to sucking his thumb.)

---

Isaac: Stop it! (said firmly as he looks in my eyes).
Me: Stop what?
Isaac: Yelling at me.
Me (calmer): Okay, then stop doing what I asked you not to.
Isaac: Okay.

---

Isaac: We don’t say that, Mommy. We don’t say Hate.
Me: I know. I’m sorry.
Isaac: Me too. I forgive you.

Lessons in the Bathroom

I’m in a much better mood today. Prayer, writing, a good ol’ cry and some B-vitamins can do that to you I suppose.

I’m enjoying my kid today. Sometimes I wonder if God gives us children to give us a little understanding of our relationships with him.

I was sitting in the bathroom today (I know, probably TMI, but reality) and Isaac slowly moved in with his cars. Sitting on the rug with his back to me just playing. I sat in wonder. I’ve noticed that he flutters around where ever we are, he just wants to be in our presence.

I finish my business and go to the office to turn off my computer. He quickly grabs all his cars in his arms running after me, “Are you going to stay here?”

“No, I’m going downstairs.”

“Okay.” As he follows me, cars in tow, to the stairs.

We only have bathrooms on the top floor of our house. This has made potty-learning a bit of a challenge at times, as we’ve had to run up two flights of stairs. I’ve been noticing recently that Isaac will be dancing around because he really has to go pee, but doesn’t want to go upstairs by himself. I have to remind him to go and after a request or two he will.

Last night we were hanging out in our bedroom. As the nights are cooler, we migrate up there earlier and earlier. We were watching “Dancing with the Stars” and Isaac was jumping around the bed, snuggling and dancing. Things got quiet and I noticed Isaac was in the bathroom. I could see him push the stool over to the toilet in the mirror. A few seconds later I could hear him peeing. What proud moment…watching your son recognize what his body was telling him and do something about it without needing the assistance of an adult, whether as moral support or physical support. I know this wouldn’t have happened if the bathroom wasn’t so close to where we were hanging out.

I love that my kid wants to be with me. I know as he gets older, he will probably want to be around me less and less, but I pray the don’t dwindle to nothing.

I miss

Once upon a time I went to school…I had friends, we talked, hung out, laughed.
Once upon a time I lived at home…hours upon hours were spent talking, hanging out.
Once upon a time I went to church…I had friends, we talked, hung out, laughed.
Once upon a time I worked in an office…hours upon hours were spent talking, hanging out.
Once upon a time I worked in a school…HOUR upon HOURS were spent talking, hanging out.

I miss the talking. I’ve created my own problem. I hate talking on the phone, but since I work from home, it limits my interactions. Yep, I spend hours and hours with my computer, grumbling to my dogs. I spend many moments consulting an almost three year old who questions everything. And I spend a few minutes chatting with my husband. Yep, that is my day and today it feels pretty lonely. I don’t really get to talk and have a conversation, hear others perspectives and tell them mine. And on the off chance that it does happen, it is layered with the distraction of kids. I miss the talking…communicating.

A Season for…

We are visiting friends and family in Arizona. We left after work on Friday and arrived early Saturday morning. You know how kids are supposed to ask, “Are we there yet?” Well, Isaac never asked that, but he did ask all the time, “Are we going to Arizona?” I guess it is about the same concept. Pretty funny.

We are staying with our dear neighbors who used to live across the street from us. Isaac and Addison have been having a grand ol’ time getting to know each other again and playing.

Our second purpose in coming down here was to see my grandparents. This trip has been planned for several weeks, but last week Grandpa was put into a hospice care facility. He is doing better now and will be released at the end of the week, but for our visit we have to go see him there.

It’s a bit sad. I would have loved to see him at his house. Let Isaac run around and get comfortable and really show off his personality. As it is, we have to keep telling Isaac to settle down, not to touch things, to be gentle and careful……..BUT, I’m hoping Isaac’s smile and laughter is helping Grandpa’s spirits and making his mundane days a little more enjoyable. Today, Isaac “tickled” Grandpa’s feet and Grandpa gave the exaggerated “oh that tickles” reaction. Isaac loved it, so it became a game. Isaac also gave hugs and kisses and sang Grandpa “ABCs”.

He also had some bounding time with Grandma. Grandma is in an understandable state of panic. I think they had both planned/hoped they would just die peacefully at home and would never have to go into assisted living, but Grandpa at 95 years old, can’t walk, but is still very much alert and alive.

Anyway, I think Isaac was the perfect distraction for her. She loved on him, gave him rides on her walker, shared grapes, asked him questions. You could tell she was super happy to have him around. Maybe this way all God’s will. Maybe? Duh! Of course it was.

Grandma said something today that I have to write down. She has always been a bitter, unloving (at least in appearance) person. Her kids haven’t really had great things to say about her. Today, as Isaac played and danced around the room, she looked at him and said, “When my kids were younger I thought that it was important to keep them clean and the house clean. But in my old age, I’ve learned that this is what matters (gestures to Isaac), just teaching and loving them.” I guess that means she thinks we are good parents. It was quite the thing to hear from her.

We spent nap time at “new” Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Isaac thought it was the best ever…and we ended up leaving with a rock from their front yard (negotiated down from the two handfuls he had). Later Grandpa told him he could have as many as he wanted.

I’m ending this day with a weird feeling. I feel like our society doesn’t put enough emphasis on being a family and taking care of each other. As a granddaughter, I want to do more to help my grandparents in this time or turmoil, but I also feel like there is this line I can’t cross. My grandparents are independent, they have four living, married children, ten grandchildren (most of whom are married), and five plus great grandchildren, so why is it that they are having to suffer through the last of this life alone?

I’m praying for peace for them. I’m praying for love and understanding from all the family that they’ve hurt over the years. I’m praying that Grandpa is well enough to move back to Colorado – the state he loves, the place where most of his children live.